Over the last couple of years, Marvel has produced a wide array of TV series featuring many different characters, both familiar and new. I have watched all them all, with the exception so far of Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur. And, as I write this, Secret Invasion has only just started. But I have seen all the rest. I had thought to do a single essay containing a short assessment of each series, but I discovered that I have more to say on most of the shows than will fit in such a format. So, this will be a series of reviews, each one on just one show, which hopefully will allow me to get them up more frequently than I usually do. There is, of course, no way I can discuss the shows without revealing plot details and character developments, so consider this a great big SPOILER ALERT for everything that follows.
How to proceed? I could follow the order in which they were released, but that seems a little mechanical. Plus, we would be jumping around from good to bad to in-between with no coherent order. Instead, much more fun to start at the bottom and work our way to the top (according to my judgment, of course.) And so, I will begin with the absolute dregs of the MTVU (Marvel TV Universe, of course), the barely watchable, the stink up your screen and the room it sits in. I speak, of course, of:
The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special
Yes, this really does exist.
I can not think of any corner of the Marvel Universe less suited for a Christmas story than the Guardians of the Galaxy. Aside from Peter Quill, not a single character even has any connection to Earth, much less the modern, western holiday of Christmas. Furthermore, the dominant mood of every Christmas special is sentimental – maybe mixed with romance or humor or nostalgia, but definitely sentimental. Sentimental is not the vibe that comes to mind when I think of the Guardians. And yet, for some reason, Marvel decided that the Guardians were the perfect group for a Christmas story.
Despite my misgivings, I gave it a try.
The story starts with Peter Quill miserable because Christmas is coming and no one out in his corner of the galaxy celebrates it, or even realizes that Christmas is coming. It is not clear why, after all this time away from Earth, he feels suddenly nostalgic for Christmas. Probably the Gamora thing. Anyway, Mantis decides to give Quill the gift of Christmas, so she and Drax grab a space ship and pop over to Earth, which is apparently just around the corner.
And at that point, just 10 minutes into this mess, I found myself longing for the Star Wars Holiday Special and Wookies putting the star atop their Life Day tree. Yes, such a show exists. For decades, it has set the standard for bad Christmas specials. Until now.
I bailed on the Guardians.
Months passed. I lived a full, contented life without The Guardians Holiday Special in it.
And then Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 3 hit the theaters, filled with references to the fact that Peter and Mantis are brother and sister. And that, by the way, is not a Spoiler. The movie assumes everyone in the audience knows Peter and Mantis are brother and sister. I didn’t. Could I have missed that revelation in the second movie? Had I somehow forgotten it? But as we left the theater, my daughter had the same questions. So did everyone I knew who had seen Vol. 3. A friend went back and rewatched the second movie and assured me that it contained no mention of Petere and Mantis being siblings. Where had this bit of information come from? And then it dawned on me. The Holiday Special. Could it have been revealed in the Holiday Special?
There was, of course, only one way to find out. Someone was going to have to watch that thing. And that someone, apparently, was going to have to be me.
With dread gnawing at my gut, I logged into Disneyplus, scrolled down to the Continue Watching section, found the Holiday Special and clicked Play.
I watched as Mantis and Drax wander LA in search of Kevin Bacon, as they are mistaked for crazy people in weird costumes. Aliens attack, and not one police officer suggests that fighting aliens is a job for the Avengers. Mantis and Drax finally capture Kevin Bacon and present him to Quill as a present (along with what appears to be every Christmas decoration from every Amazon warehouse on Earth.) And when Peter asks Mantis why she did all this, that’s when she reveals that they have the same father. She is his sister. For Peter this, of course, is the best Christmas present ever! They hug, and the show ends on the requisite sentimental note.
So. That’s where the revelation comes from.
Really.
If you want to see the moment for yourself, I recommend that you fast forward to the last 2 minutes or so of the show and just watch that scene. There is no reason to slog through the mess that preceeds it. I watched it so that you don’t have to.
You’re welcome.
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